Watch Your Words

Monday, June 4, 2018

Just a disclaimer right off the bat: I typically try to keep this a fun and positive space, because I'm a fun and positive person, but something was said to me today and I feel like it's something I need to write about. So if you're just here for the home renovation before and afters or the recipes,  you'll probably want to skip over this post. 

Today, I had a family member, a person I love and respect very much, tell me that if my husband ever decided to leave me or if, God forbid, something happened to him, that I could end up "living in a trailer park." And yes, that's a direct quote. Now maybe if this was the first time that this type of innuendo had been thrown my way by this person, I would have just laughed and gone on about my business, but it's not the first time...or the second...or the third. This person has devalued my decision to be a stay-at-home mother multiple times with not-so-subtle jabs like this one, basically insinuating that I rely solely on my husband to put food on the table and clothes on my back.

Can I just tell you, that after so many comments, this one finally got my rile up. I didn't say much in return, because I don't need to defend my life decisions to anyone, but for any other stay-at-home parents that are being made to feel "less than" because you aren't bringing home a regular paycheck every week, let me ask you this, is there any job more important than raising your children? 

For me, that answer was no. I completely understand that not everyone has the liberty to stay home with their children and I also understand that not all parents want to, nor should they have to. You can have kids and a career and be amazing at both. But my decision, before Juston and I had ever even had kids, was that I would put my career on hold once we did have children until they were in school so that I could focus my attention and efforts on raising my babies and shaping them to be great people. I can't get these years with them back once they pass and I know that even though there are days I think I might lose my mind if I can't get two minutes of silence or just go pee without an audience, that these are indeed, the days.  The days that I will look back on with so much gratitude and fondness that God entrusted these children to me. The days that I will yearn to return to during trying teenage times. The days that, though sometimes exhausting, are some of the best days of my life. These are the days, our days, and this is the way I've chosen to spend them. And I won't allow anyone to make me feel like my choice to do that means that I'm less valuable that a mother who parents and works a 9-5 every weekday. Just like working moms shouldn't let anyone make them feel like less of a mother because they work instead of staying home. Why do people feel the need to criticize and be negative? I just don't get it.

More than once I've felt tired or frazzled and said as much, only to be told "Well, I did everything you do AND I worked a full time job." Okay, cool.  Congratulations on that. I'm not. Being a mom to Caroline and Carter is my full time job, and it can be exhausting and I'm allowed to say it is and feel that it is.  Full time mom-ing ain't easy, however many things you juggle along with it.  And best believe that if I were put in a position where I had to be the breadwinner for myself and my children, I could and would be. I have a college degree and I've got plenty of work experience under my belt. Not to mention that I have worked on a part time basis since I had Caroline.  

And one more thought on the topic before I wrap this up and move on to our regularly scheduled programming around here; You don't have to say every little thing that comes into your head where someone else's life is concerned. We all make our own choices and our own way in this world. It's different for everyone which doesn't make either way better or worse, just different.  When in doubt if something you say may hurt someone, just keep your mouth shut because ultimately, most people need more cheerleaders, we already have enough critics, our own selves included a lot of times and if you can't be kind with your words, then just hush your mouth ;)

1 comment:

  1. Perfectly put, Jena!!! I want to be with my children all day, every day. I don't want to miss a moment. And as a child reared by a stay at home mom, I fondly remember her always being there for me. That created a lot if stability and safety in my little kid world. The Lord has so graciously bestowed on me a husband that can be that bread winner, and I am taking full advantage.